Thursday, May 24, 2018

Eight years today

Today is the anniversary of John's passing into his next life. Eight years ago today I woke up to find our world changed forever.
I was devastated. I had no idea how I would or could go on. I wanted to be with him and if that meant death for me too, so be it.
But that didn't happen.
And slowly - very slowly - I recreated my life.
A life without John physically here but still very much a part of my life - our new life together.
And truth be told, many things would not have happened if John had not gone ahead of me.
So I celebrate John's life and our life, then and now.
I celebrate the love we have and the journey we continue on.
And I look forward to the day when we are together in the next life - a new journey.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

It's okay

This week is going to be hard for me. I know it.
And it's okay.
This Thursday May 24 is the 8th anniversary of John's death.
I am going to be kind to myself. I have things planned for every day this week. Not to distract me. Nothing can do that. Just to support me. And to reassure myself that I can and will get through this week.
That I will carry John's love in my heart.
That he is still with me.
That it's okay to be sad.
That it's okay to not be okay.
And that is my message to all of us who mourn. It doesn't matter if it's 8 days, or 8 weeks, or 8 months, or 8 years - or more.
We know our Loves still live but we also miss them with every fiber of our being.
It's okay to not be okay.

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

A promise from John

I turned the car on to head home today. It was 3:33 PM and my music was set to shuffle so I had no way of knowing what song would play.
Then this played.
Thank you, Sweetheart.

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Time to pay attention

Was just making the bed and this song kept playing in my head apropos of nothing - or so I thought. John has been sending me signs non-stop the last few weeks and they are picking up in speed and repetition. I need to pay attention.
I think I will have a new plan for my life in a few days or weeks soon.
Stay tuned...

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Back in stock!

I was having a problem with my book being available on Amazon but it seems to be back in stock now. Order here.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

A beautiful sign from John on his birthday

As I posted earlier, John's birthday was last week. 
John sends me signs just about every day now. 
He especially loves to send numbers. 
His favorite is 43. And every time I see that I stop and say Hello. And I smile, knowing John is still with me.
But sometimes to really get my attention he sends 413 [for April 13] or the one that seems to be the strongest one is 443 [April 1943 - his birth month and year]. 
Last week I was driving to meet friends for dinner. It was on April 13. We were meeting specifically to celebrate John's birthday. 
The readout in my CR-V tells me how much farther I can drive based on the gas left in my tank. 
As I pulled into the restaurant parking lot, this is what I saw on my dash.
John was telling me that he knew we were celebrating and he was with us. Of course I took this picture to remember the sign and as soon as I met my dinner-mates I showed them too.
Everyone smiled. We knew.
Thank you, Sweetheart. I love you.

Friday, April 13, 2018

Happy birthday, John!

Today is John's 75th birthday.
I don't say it "would have been". It IS his birthday. April 13, 1943 is the day he was born and always will be.
So, today I celebrate.
I celebrate the man who loved me so much.
Who put me before himself.
Whose smile lit up my life.
Whose love healed me.
Whose every need I wanted to meet.
Who made morning heavenly and nighttime lovely.
Who made me laugh and taught me to let things go.
Who brought me closer to God and Heaven.
Who in his death continues to teach me about life.
Happy birthday, Sweetheart!