Friday, June 15, 2018

I believe

I believe any of us who have lost a soul mate would give anything to have our spouse back again (healthy and whole, of course). 
 
But we know that can't be so we have adapted. 
We are getting through the hour, the day, the week. 
And soon it's years and we are still here and we are better at the journey than we were. 
We learn what it means to do things alone.
To sleep alone.
To eat alone. 
Each day is a victory of sorts. 
And each day brings us closer to being with our Loves again. 
And that makes the journey worth it.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Grief doesn't end; it changes

In my belief, death is a change, a mutation of being. 
My Beloved still exists, not as I want, but as he is. 
And I have to accept that as being part of our journey until I too change and mutate to that level also and then we will be together again. 
And I know I will and we will. 
It's what keeps me going.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Eight years today

Today is the anniversary of John's passing into his next life. Eight years ago today I woke up to find our world changed forever.
I was devastated. I had no idea how I would or could go on. I wanted to be with him and if that meant death for me too, so be it.
But that didn't happen.
And slowly - very slowly - I recreated my life.
A life without John physically here but still very much a part of my life - our new life together.
And truth be told, many things would not have happened if John had not gone ahead of me.
So I celebrate John's life and our life, then and now.
I celebrate the love we have and the journey we continue on.
And I look forward to the day when we are together in the next life - a new journey.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

It's okay

This week is going to be hard for me. I know it.
And it's okay.
This Thursday May 24 is the 8th anniversary of John's death.
I am going to be kind to myself. I have things planned for every day this week. Not to distract me. Nothing can do that. Just to support me. And to reassure myself that I can and will get through this week.
That I will carry John's love in my heart.
That he is still with me.
That it's okay to be sad.
That it's okay to not be okay.
And that is my message to all of us who mourn. It doesn't matter if it's 8 days, or 8 weeks, or 8 months, or 8 years - or more.
We know our Loves still live but we also miss them with every fiber of our being.
It's okay to not be okay.
Namaste.

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

A promise from John

I turned the car on to head home today. It was 3:33 PM and my music was set to shuffle so I had no way of knowing what song would play.
Then this played.
Thank you, Sweetheart.


Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Time to pay attention

Was just making the bed and this song kept playing in my head apropos of nothing - or so I thought. John has been sending me signs non-stop the last few weeks and they are picking up in speed and repetition. I need to pay attention.
I think I will have a new plan for my life in a few days or weeks soon.
Stay tuned...

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Back in stock!

I was having a problem with my book being available on Amazon but it seems to be back in stock now. Order here.