Friday, August 28, 2015

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart

34 years ago today I married my best friend, the true mate to my soul, the man who completed my thoughts and my life. I love you, John - then, now, and always.

Monday, August 24, 2015

The stages of grief

I may have posted this before but if I did, it bears repeating.
People often try to pigeon-hole those who are grieving into the so-called stages put out by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying.
What they don't understand is that the Kubler-Ross stages of grief really apply to the person who is dying rather than the person who is grieving. I resented it when people tried to categorize me into a "stage" after John passed. One "friend" even said "Oh, good, you're angry, that means you're getting better." 
Better? Was she kidding? 
The only person I was angry with was her for saying such a stupid thing. Sadness and gut-wrenching sadness seemed to be my most common feelings those first couple of years.
Everyone grieves in their own way, in their own time. There is no right or wrong way and the biggest disservice we can do to anyone who is grieving is to hurry them along under the guise that we are helping.
Usually when people do that it is because they themselves are uncomfortable with grief and don't know what to do for someone who is grieving.
Making the other person back to how they were before their loss is usually their goal.
What they don't understand is that you don't go back to that person.
Ever.
A part of you dies, too, when the love of your life has died.
You will never be the same again.
That does not mean you will not have a meaningful life.
It does mean that life will be different, though.
You are different.
You see life differently.
You now have new goals and new thoughts.
It is not necessarily a bad thing but you have to accept that life as you knew it is over.
Now it's a different life.
You go forward after the death, you don't don't "get over" the death. 
And you take your Love with you.
John and I are still mated. But it is different now.
He shows me in many ways that he is still with me. He still loves me.
His passing has made me re-evaluate many things.
I have also learned a lot and taken on projects I would not have done were he still here.
His passing has made me stronger - and more vulnerable.
His passing has helped me put many things into a new perspective.
I have grown in ways I never imagined.
I can do this. 
I will do this.
And I look forward to being with him again.

Friday, August 21, 2015

John's soul portrait

I can't believe I have not blogged in so long. A lot has happened in the past few weeks and perhaps that is why I have been reluctant to post. It wasn't all bad although some was upsetting.
I was involved in a car accident on August 6 [rear-ended at a red light] and my car was badly damaged.
But all is on the way to mending now, including me.
Then I had company for a week but that was a fun distraction.
But now it is time to get back down to business.

Today I want to talk about the soul portrait I had done of John.
Last year you might remember I had one done of me.
So, I contacted the artist, sent her a couple of pictures of John and soon I had a portrait of what she saw as John as an eternal soul.
Aside from the fact that John looks a little like Captain Picard from Star Trek, I find the portrait very interesting. John appears to me to be very wise and peaceful.  The reading confirmed John as a loving healer and that he is still very much with me and that we are continuing our relationship together.
Everything in the picture has symbolic meaning and I find it very comforting.

Monday, July 27, 2015

John was and is my once in a lifetime

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.
You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.
They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.
There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.
The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.
Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face.
In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.
You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.
You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.
Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

Friday, July 17, 2015

End of an era

This past week I had Afternoon Tea with a couple of friends at the Ritz-Carlton in Phoenix. It was a bittersweet experience because it was the last time we will be able to do that. The Ritz has been sold and will be closed for the next year while it undergoes a remodel. When it opens again, they will no longer be doing the tea.
I can't remember the first time John and I had tea there but I know it was many many years ago. Possibly as long as 10 years ago, or more. It was something we enjoyed doing. Truth be told, John might have gone along with it because it was something I wanted to do but he seemed to enjoy it.
Birthdays and other special occasions were celebrated there.
One of my favorite times was when my first book was published.
Another time was when my aunt and uncle visited.
I will miss it but I am grateful for the many good times.