Sunday, October 19, 2014

The best love

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever.” Noah from The Notebook
Nicholas Sparks

I watched The Notebook today, probably my favorite movie. For some reason the story makes me think of me and John. I think Ryan Gosling even looks like John a little [especially with the beard]. Maybe it's the strength and depth of the love of the two main characters. It makes me sad but it makes me happy too. I am lucky to have had what I had with John and nothing can change that. I was [and am] loved by a wonderful, sweet, and special man.

Friday, October 17, 2014

My home

I have always said John was/is my home. I have been bereft since he passed.
Looking forward to being Home with him again.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Scripted jewelry

Yesterday a dear friend sent me a link to an Etsy shop. Caroline the owner makes beautiful jewelry from the scripted notes of loved ones.
Scripted Jewelry 
Mauri, my friend, said as soon as she saw this shop she thought of me because she knew I would love to be able to wear something that had John's handwriting on it.
She's right.
I ordered a necklace with a heart-shaped pendant. And I submitted this note to be engraved.

 After John passed I found this note written on a post-it note. It was in my bedside end table drawer. I have no recollection of when John gave me this note or what the occasion might have been but he was always doing things like that. I'm so gald I saved the note. Every so often I take it out and look at it. It's a wonderful reminder of the love we shared.
And now I will have that note to wear. I can't wait to received this and I am so glad Mauri saw this and thought of me.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Here's my sign

There's a comedian who likes to point out the stupidity of some people and his punch line is "Here's your sign".
Well, since John has passed he has given me many signs but they are not for stupidity. They show me that he is still around and loving me.
Like yesterday.
I was out running errands in Scottsdale and decided on the way home to go to Costco to get some needed items.
And as I always do when I am driving, I was thinking about John. And feeling sad and missing him.
So I pulled into the parking lot and saw a spot I wanted. But a gentleman was loading his purchases into his car and his door was protruding into the space so I moved on.
And then I spied another spot I thought would be good. As I neared it I knew it was the spot meant for me and John was also saying Hello.
Parked next to the open parking spot was a truck and this was on its side.
Thank you, John. I love you.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

So true

Searching for You

Lord, hear my heartfelt soul's lament,
I fear my tears will never be spent,
Aching, soul-deep despair and sorrow,
It’s so hard to care about tomorrow.
True agony of the soul,
What now will be my goal?
No longer will there be,
The plans and dreams I hoped to see.
I still look for you each day,
How could you have passed away?
I look for you in the house and yard,
Nothing I could imagine would be this hard.
Without the sense that you are here,
Only in a different sphere,
The pain would be much too deep,
For my soul to ever keep.
Stay always by my side,
A loving, helpful spirit guide,
And when my time here has passed,
Together we will be at last.
Copyright © C.A. Stevenson 2009

Friday, September 26, 2014

If only.....

Sometimes I see men who remind me of John and I squint my eyes and pretend it's him I'm looking at.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

I'd Want It To Be You

I am missing John a lot today but even in sorrow I am feeling him close.
It seems he often sends songs to me with lyrics that touch my heart at just the right time.
This morning I was in the car taking Bella to day care and I cued up my iPhone's music so it would play through the car's stereo. I recently bought Barbra Streisand's newest album and the first song that played this morning was this one.
I really felt he was telling me he is still here for me.
Yes, John and I are best friends. We always will be.
Then I saw this on Facebook.

And I can't wait until both of us are home again - together.