Wednesday, October 24, 2018

The signs are there

No matter how many times I experience it, I am always amazed how our loved ones can reach out to us from across the veil and get a message to us.
Case in point:
I needed to go to the bank yesterday and thought I would save time by going through the drive-through on my way to meeting a couple of friends for lunch.
What was supposed to be a 3 minute transaction [it was only a deposit] turned into a 10 minute plus ordeal. I have no idea what the teller was doing but she came back once as if looking for my deposit slip and then still took a while after that. I was tempted to go around and inside - I was getting so frustrated and a line was forming behind me. And there is never a line at this particular small bank.
Finally, she finished and I was on my way.
Furious. Aggravated. Doing a slow burn.
Got out on the main road out of town and decided to just put it behind me.
As it always happens when I am driving, my thoughts turned to John.
And I realized that the next day [today] would mark 8 years and 5 months since he passed.
I still miss him so much. Sometimes the sadness is just overwhelming and at that moment it was. I remember thinking how much suicide would be a relief. Not that I would do it. But I definitely understand why someone would want to. I was feeling bereft. Alone. Wondering why I was still here and not wanting to be.
And then I noticed the license plate of the car ahead of me.
It was a Texas plate and the phone number of the dealer was on the license plate holder. The last 3 numbers in the phone number were 413.
John likes to use numbers to get my attention.
43 is a favorite of his. He was born in 1943.
443 is another one - it doesn't show up as often and it gets my attention when it does. He was born in April 1943.
But 413 is one that only rarely shows up. John's birthday is April 13.
And he was born in Texas.
I think John did not like the thoughts that were going through my head at the time I saw that plate and he really wanted me to just stop and know he is still here with me. Loving me.
And our time for reunion will come when it's supposed to.
If I hadn't been detained at the bank for so long I never would have seen that car and those numbers.
I don't know how they do it, but our soul mates are trying so hard to show us they are still here with us.
I belong to several Facebook groups that deal with losing our loved ones, our soul mates, and looking for ways to get signs, to stay connected.
So many feel alone and abandoned and want a sign, any sign.
Don't give up. They are there.
Even something as simple as a number on a Texas license plate.
We are still loved.
Love never dies.

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Love Will Never End

I have been missing John so much these last couple of days. So much that it actually hurts. My heart aches.
Then my Love sent me this song and two feathers.
Thank you, Sweetheart.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

There are no coincidences

I just had an experience that I want to share.
I belong to a wonderful Facebook group dedicated to those of us who are still in love with, and still connected to, our Soul Mates. Through it I have met some very wonderful and dear people.
Just now one of them Louise posted about a new friend she had made and talk veered to how we still love our other halves, even in death. That our love is even stronger.
That led to the mention of Elizabeth Barrett Browning's well-known sonnet How Do I Love Thee?
I hadn't read it in a long time so I looked it up just so I could read it again. It's always been my favorite of hers.
This is what I found:

How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death. 

Beautiful, yes.
But that's not what caught my eye.
I had no idea it's also known as Sonnet 43.
That is the number that John uses to catch my attention, to say Hello, to reach out to me, to let me know that he is here, with me.
It's a number that pops up in the most wonderful ways.
Almost on a daily basis.
And now here it is again.
In a sonnet about love, just when my friend and I were talking about our beloved Soul Mates.
That was NOT a coincidence.
That was John confirming for both of us that we are correct.
Love lives on.
There is love between us still.
Thank you, John.
I love you.

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Another gift

I have written before about the hidden gifts I have found since my soul mate John transitioned.
I experienced another one last weekend.
The annual AREI Symposium was held in Scottsdale just two weekends ago. Every year is grows larger and brings people from all over the world to meet and discuss topics about the Afterlife.
I have had the pleasure of making many friends on the various Facebook pages devoted to aspects of that topic.
Two Fridays ago I got to meet one of them in person.
Mary Beth Spann Mank gave a presentation about the Annie Nanji seances recorded while Annie spoke to her husband through the medium Leslie Flint.
I became friends with Mary Beth over a year ago on Facebook. We moderate a couple of Facebook pages together and sadly share the fact that we have both lost our sweethearts.
But we have moved forward and our passion is to help others get through the hard times and know that love lives on and we will be together again.
It was a thrill for me to meet Mary Beth in person and get a long-awaited hug. Her presentation was wonderful.

Monday, August 27, 2018

Love lives on!

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. John and I are married 37 years.
And, yes, I know, he is no longer physically here with me but I celebrate the day because it's important to me.
And I have it on good faith [from a medium] that John celebrates it still because the day is very important to him too.
John has been showing me all day with signs that I know are from him.
This morning I went into the local grocery store and there as I walked in was a huge display of Twizzlers - one of John's favorite sweets. 
Then this afternoon I went to another grocery store to buy myself some flowers to commemorate our special day.
What was I hit with? 
Another big display - this time of Red Vines, a variation on a theme.
I purchased my flowers, got in the car, and as I headed home, my head and heart filled with love for my Sweetheart, I glanced at the car clock and it was 4:13, John's birthday April 13th.
I no sooner saw that and told John how much I loved him when the next song on Pandora came on - "If" by Bread.
Love lives on!

Saturday, August 25, 2018

There is no contest called grief

I don't think there is any one of us who has lost a loved one and not heard either "I understand how you feel because I..." or "At least you..."
Every loss is different. No matter the similarities no one can say they truly understand what another is going through. 
The loss of my husband is not the same as the loss of your husband. 
The death of your child is not the same as the death of your friend's child.
Watching a loved one suffer years or months of illness and then dying is not worse than or better than losing a loved one suddenly and unexpectedly.
Grief is not a contest. 
There is no easier or harder grief. 
Our own personal grief is the worst grief there is.
That’s why platitudes and some of the pat phrases and ideas some people expound irritate me so much. We can offer support, explain what has helped us, what might work. But we can never say we fully understand what that person is going through. Grief is based on relationship and no two relationships are alike.
Everyone grieves and mourns in their own way. If you loved, you grieve when you lose that person. 
And this warning applies to those who purport to make our journey easier by latching on to the spiritual and metaphysical as if that is the answer too.
Don't get me wrong. I am a firm believer in the afterlife and all that entails. Everyone who knows me at all knows that. I even wrote a book about it.
No, my beef is with those who try to sell the spiritual connection we can have with our loved ones as being the antidote to grief. Or better yet, try to sell that new - now spiritual - relationship as being "better than" the earthly one. That is like comparing the proverbial apples and oranges. I think to push that thinking is harmful. Negating someone's grief like that is very hurtful to the one who is sad and mourning.
I don't care how many "visits" you have or messages that you get, it's not "better than it ever was". I would give anything to have John walk through the door again and hug the heck out of him. 
But I am comforted by the messages I get from him and the communication that I feel I do receive. 
It helps me in this life until I am reunited with him in the next.
But I would never say that what we have now is better. It just is.
So, the next time you are tempted to help someone who is in the throes of grief by saying you understand or you know how to make this journey better, just stop for a moment. Swallow those words.
Instead, offer a hand. Offer your time. Let that person know you are there to just be, if that is all that is needed.
Mention the loved one's name. 
Your presence and love will help more than you can know.