Don't get me wrong - I have some wonderful friends who are giving of themselves to support me. But, as all of us who have lost a dear one know, nothing can really replace the hug of your soul mate, the kiss to make it all better, the words of comfort that only he or she can give to soothe your soul.
So, in my stress, I have turned to John in the ways I have since he has passed. I talk to him almost constantly and I receive signs on a daily basis. Granted, most of them are small signs and very subtle. But that doesn't diminish them in any way. A sign is a sign and I will take whatever I can get.
But this challenge is a big one and I wanted and needed a big sign from John to show me that this was going to be something we would handle together, that he is here for me as he always has been.
I needed a sign that would knock my socks off, so to speak.
Well, let me tell you - John came through.
The first one came on Wednesday afternoon.
I was walking from the bedroom to the living room [why doesn't matter - I can't even remember why now] and I heard a familiar chime. It caught my attention. I have lots of electrical equipment in my house - the computer, my iPhone with dozens of apps that chirp and burp occasionally, Alexa, etc.
And so for a millisecond my brain was trying to locate the reason for the chime. Then I heard a distinct voice coming from my house security system saying "Alarm Stay - Exit now".
I immediately became first confused and then tremendously impressed.
There are only two ways to set the house system on like that - by pressing a 5 digit code on the keypad itself or by opening the app in my phone, inserting a 4 digit code, waiting for the app to wake up [it takes several seconds] and then setting the alarm stay mode [another two taps on the phone].
I had done none of that!
Yet, when I checked the keypad it was now in alarm mode and the indicator light was red. I had to manually turn it off.
Okay, John, you have my attention.
But he wasn't through.
The next night I fell asleep watching TV. I often do that. I woke up to reruns of Frasier and watched for a few minutes until I got drowsy and then used the remote to turn the TV off.
I rolled over to go back to sleep but heard a strange whirring noise. At first I thought it was the pet water fountain but it was too loud.
I sat up and couldn't believe my eyes.The electrical fireplace insert had turned on - all by itself! Yes, it is controlled by a remote control unit but that unit was sitting on the mantel yards away from me and out of reach of any cats. I had to get out of bed and grab the remote to turn the fireplace off. My first thought was maybe the TV remote had done it but it had never done that before in the year since the insert had been installed.
No, there could only be one answer.
I don't know how this health episode is going to work out for me in the next few months but it really doesn't matter.
I know what I need to know. Just as in the old days, when something was bothering me and I needed a hug or a kiss or words telling me John had my back, he is still doing that now in the ways he can.
I had wanted a "big" sign and John had sent me two.
I smiled and said Thank you and because I am feeling needy right now I asked John to keep doing this.
John is still here.
Love lives on!