Friday, December 26, 2014

There is no wrong way to grieve

Today I read something about grief on a spiritual/new age Facebook page that I belong to. The husband of the woman writing birthed into spirit about a month ago. She talks about a new way of grieving as well, based on her spiritual/almost mediumistic beliefs. For the most part, I like what she says. So far so good. But today she wrote something that rubbed me the wrong way. She actually criticized those who grieve, saying they were stuck in a low vibration, that they weren't honoring their loved one, that the saying "the depth of grief equals the depth of love" is wrong and that life goes on and we who grieve need to do that too. She lost me big time at that point. I believe we are doing grief the new way but that doesn't mean we don't grieve at all. It's been 4 1/2 years since John passed over and I still grieve. Not in the same way. Not with the raw intensity of those first few months, that first year. But I still miss him. I always will. I still yearn to hear his voice, feel his touch, smell his hair. But I also still live. I know that and every day I am learning to live more. I honor what John's passing has given me. Yet, I would give all that up and I would still love to have him back here in a heartbeat. Yes, there is a new way to do grief and I think I am doing a fantastic job of both learning and teaching. I also think it is wrong to criticize the way this woman has criticized. There is enough guilt out there. It is wrong to heap more on those of us who have lost a loved one and tell us that we are still not doing it right if we don't dust ourselves off and move on more quickly. I think in her attempt to do grief the new way, she has actually gone back to doing grief the old way. 
The bottom line is we all grieve whatever way we can and no one has the right to tell us we are doing it wrong. That itself is wrong.

Friday, December 19, 2014

And another loss

My father passed away this afternoon.
Pat Palastro 

August 2, 1921 - December 19, 2014
Going to miss you, Dad. Thanks for my life. 
Until we meet again.....

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

It's almost Christmas

In 8 more days it will be Christmas. And in 9 more days it won't. I can do this.
But in the meantime, I love our pictures of Christmases together.


Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Becoming real

Losing someone you love makes you very real. But loving them makes you real too and I would not change one second of my life with John.
As the Garth Brooks song "The Dance" says:
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
 I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Monday, December 1, 2014

John sent me a smile

The holidays are here again and this past weekend was hard. And this morning driving back from dropping Bella off at daycare, I experienced some serious flashbacks. Some days I just can't get the image of finding John gone out of my head and the horror and overwhelming devastation hits me all over again.
So I came home and got on Facebook [some days I know I waste too much time on there] and was scrolling through my newsfeed. I saw a note from someone I know who has recently lost her husband and her words were uplifting.
And then I saw it.
Two notes further down and there was a smile from John - a little cartoon that he loved.

Somewhere along the line, John found this cartoon online and bookmarked it. Every so often he would just click on it and play it. He loved it. It never failed to make him laugh, no matter how many times he played it.
And sometimes, if he knew I was within earshot, he would play it to get my attention because he knew it would make me laugh too. It was one of his favorite things.
And here it was on my Facebook newsfeed. I know it was John making me laugh and letting me now he was all aright and we were all right.
Thank you, Sweetheart.