I keep finding pictures
of houses that remind me of the house we had in Lehman PA. I wonder if John is trying to tell
me something? I have felt for a while now that he has built a house like this
for us over there. Maybe this is his way of telling me I am right?
I hope so. I would love
to have a house like this with him. We were so happy in that house in Lehman.
Was that John telling me
Hello and Happy Thanksgiving this morning?
At around 6:30 AM today his alarm clock went off. It wasn’t a steady beep. It just kept going off and on. And
the alarm light was blinking and the alarm button was in the On position. I
don’t think it could have been the cats because the alarm button is small and has to be turned a certain way in order to set the alarm. And it couldn't have been the cleaning ladies. It’s been over
a week since they have been here.
I think it was John. He loved Thanksgiving. And turkey.
Two friends and I have started a Facebook community and blog page about grief and mourning as it relates to losing a soul mate.
I have learned so much and have been blessed to come so far since John has passed that I want to help others who are hurting.
I feel by doing that I can heal myself as well.
I cherish all the pictures I have of John, and of us and the life we
shared. Of course, I wish we had taken more now that they are all I have
left. More photos, more video. Sometimes, I wish I could crawl inside
the photos and videos and be there with him again.
I remember a friend telling me [after John had been gone only 8
months] that I had too many pictures of him around. Her husband in the meantime
was alive and well and puttering in the garage at the time so I think
she should have kept her mouth shut and I politely told her so.
This past week someone I know only casually said after death we should
not "make a shrine" to our loved ones. Again, spoken by someone who
truly has no idea what she is talking about.
I refuse to allow others to dictate how I choose to honor and cherish John's place in my life, then and now.
John and I were together on this earth 32 years, 34 years if you count the two years we were friends before we became a couple. The first thing I remember thinking after he passed was that it wasn't long enough. We were just getting the hang of this married thing and we were getting really good at it. Life was so good and then poof! It was over.
Now it's been 37 years since our first date, 39 years [this month! as a matter of fact] since we saw each other for the very first time, since our souls smiled and knew we had finally made it back to each other again.
It is no coincidence that I found this video today, that I am writing this post about our first date, our first meeting. I know John is thinking the same things and he wants me to know this.
Thank you, my Love. I love you, too and I love our life together, in all its forms.
Until I hold you again...