Sunday, September 26, 2010

John Collins 1943 - 2010

My sweet sweet love, my life, my soulmate has died. I will not say he is gone. He will never be gone. But he is no longer here with me in this physical world.
John and I just recently started getting Social Security checks and he qualified for Medicare and we often remarked to each other "How did these words creep into our vocabulary? Weren't we just flower children recently?"
Yet, now the words viewing and funeral and cremation are words I have had to utter. I am numb. I feel as if my heart has been plucked out of my chest. There is not an inch of this house that doesn't remind me of him.
We always told each other that we were true soulmates. That may sound trite but it was true. We both remembered the instant we first laid eyes on each other. It was as if our souls recognized each other. Why else would it have had such an impact on us?
I was offered the opportunity to say a few words of remembrance at his Requiem Mass but I knew I could never get through it so one of the women of the Church read it for me and did a beautiful job.
I want to leave those words here.

John was truly the love of my life and it is very hard to put the depth of my feelings right now into words so I’m going to just do the best I can.

My John was a kind and very loving man as I am sure all of you know. A testament to that is your presence here today honoring his life. What struck me time and again when I told people about his passing was how everyone always remarked about John’s quick smile and his hearty laugh. John loved life. Yet, John always told me he was not afraid to die. He knew there was unbounded Love waiting to receive him. He taught me that. He taught me a lot and I am so grateful to have had the life I did with him. I ache that it was so short. We had 32 years together but twice that would not be enough. We loved each other very much. I never doubted his love for a minute. It was my one constant in life with him. My only solace is that he is at peace now and I have eternity to spend with him when my time comes.

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