As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have decided to have a memory quilt made from some of John's clothes. I have an appointment with the quilter tomorrow afternoon so this evening I washed the clothes I had picked out. A little while ago I transferred the clothes from the washer to the dryer, something I had done many times over the years.
That simple action - moving John's clothes from the washer to the dryer is a task I don't get to do any more. I remember when John started staying over my apartment when we were dating and he started to leave clothes at my place. How happy I was to be able to do his laundry. It was a simple thing, maybe even silly to some, but the act of having his clothes with me was so personal, so loving. It meant to me that we were a couple. That he trusted me with his clothes was symbolic of how he trusted me with his heart. He later bought me a used washing machine so I would have one in the apartment instead of having to go to the laundromat. That to me was an act of love. I teased him about it but he knew I appreciated what he had done for me.
And now I wash these clothes of his for the last time. This too is an act of love. These clothes will go into a quilt that I can wrap myself up in when I need him close to me. It won't be the same thing for sure but it will be something. It will have to do for now until I am with him again.