Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Trying to grow

I know Yoda said "Do or do not. There is no try." But for now, I think trying is all I can muster.
I spent the weekend in Sedona and I think I felt a shift. I'm not sure where this is going but there might be some rays of peace coming.
I hope so.
Still missing John. And I know I always will.
And I know being sad is OK.
Someone asked me last week if there was some way I can get out of depression. I think that person misinterprets sadness for depression. I am not depressed. I am doing things. I am accomplishing things. I am making plans for things in the future. Those are not the signs of someone who is depressed.
But I do experience sadness. I miss John. I miss our life. I miss that we will not grow old together.
And that isn't going to change.
And I don't feel that I should have to defend those feelings either.
I feel stronger than before and probably not as strong as I will eventually become.
Baby steps.

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