Sunday, July 5, 2015

Life was better with you, John

I still can't shake the constant sadness. I think it will always be there. And I don't expect anyone to understand.
There is just a flatness to life now.  The "John-ness" is missing and life is now empty.
It's not that life was a big circus and party with John. It wasn't. It was just life. But it was a good life. No, it was a great life. A happy life.
Life is just a day to day thing now. It's hard to explain. I still get things done. And there are things that I enjoy - our furkids, my friends, writing, music, nature. But there is always something missing. My heart is always heavy.
When John was here, the simplest things were wonderful because we enjoyed them, experienced them together.
Now the most wondrous things are mundane because he's not here physically to experience them with me.
I hardly talk about it with anyone anymore. I expect that after 5 years people will expect that I should be better, that I should move on.
Maybe that would be true for most. But John was my true soul mate, my other half, my Twin Flame. How do you go on as before when a piece of you is missing?

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