Friday, October 7, 2016

John continues to show up

I have been having grief surges again lately.
I don't know why. There are no anniversaries that I can blame. Maybe there doesn't have to be a reason other than I just miss John so much and that is never going to change or go away.
It's okay.
But despite all that, John is showing me that he is still here. He knows what is going on with me and he is helping me get by.
Cases in point:
  • By a strange set of coincidences I found a new handyman a couple of weeks ago. The circumstances were so odd that when I realized the connection I literally sat back and said "Wow" out loud. This man is an absolute treasure and I know I can trust him with my house.
  • I have been following a certain medium for several years. I have read all her books. I have a Cd series of hers and I went to see her give a very good presentation last year in Phoenix. For some reason her story just resonated with me and I fantasized about having a reading from her, knowing it would never happen because she is based out of Florida and rarely comes out this way. Plus, her waiting list is over a year long and my situation is not special enough to get her attention. Then last week, another set of circumstances happened and lo and behold, I have a reading with her scheduled for next May! 
  • Finally, I have been estranged from my brother for many years. The details don't matter but I had given up on a solution and just resigned myself to loving him from afar. Then a few weeks ago, out of the blue at 5:52 AM John's alarm clock went off. Of course it woke me up. And just as quickly as it chimed [twice], it turned off. I didn't turn it off. I hadn't set it. The cats were nowhere near it and he cleaning ladies hadn't been here in several weeks. There was no earthly reason for it to go off. I ignored it. Figured it was John but could not think what it meant. Days later I realized that the time was the same as my sister's birth date. 5:52 = May 1952. Thinking maybe something was wrong and I should get involved, I texted my sister with a question about our mother who is now living with our brother. She didn't have the information I wanted so I decided to swallow my pride and emailed my brother. That was all it took. He was so happy to hear from me. We have reconciled and are emailing steadily back and forth now, mending the years. I have to believe my Honey was doing his best to get my attention for this to happen.
I still miss John. I am still sad. I would give anything to have him walk through our house door and give me a big hug and have life go back to the way it was.
But since that can't happen, I will be happy and thankful knowing he is still very much alive and still loving me.
'Til we are together again, Baby...

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