It's the little things, the little daily reminders that hit me up side the head and make me realize over and over how much I miss John. How much I will always miss John. How much he was a part of my life, our life. It's not that I can't do these little daily things. It's that I don't want to have to because it forces me to realize and tangibly experience my loss.
Yes, I can grind the coffee beans at night and prepare the coffeepot for the next day. But John used to do that. It was a simple act of love that he did every night. He knew I was the first one up in the morning [usually] and he made the coffee at night even if he wasn't going to work the next day. All I would have to do when I got up was hit the button and there would be coffee for me. Somehow, that coffee tasted better because he prepared it. Now I do it and it's not the same.