I'm getting a little tired of criticism from friends. Oh, it doesn't come across as criticism all the time - although some of it does.
But I get remarks.
"We don't hear from you."
"I thought you were going to call me."
"You don't ask how I am."
Don't you get it? I am grieving. Leave me the f-alone. I miss my best friend. I miss my constant companion , my love, my other half. The man who used to finish my sentences, whose sentences I used to finish, the man I slept next to for over half my life.
I don't care about your inconsequential life. I don't care about MY inconsequential life.
I read in a book last night that after time, the brain waves and heart rates of couples deeply in love and who have been together for some time actually become in sync with one another. It's no wonder that grieving becomes a physical process in addition to an emotional one. The body of the partner left behind is actually missing one of its parts. It is a true amputation.
But people don't get that. It seems to them that grieving should be a finite thing and after a set period of time, it should be over. It's an annoyance to them. It's inconvenient.
You know what? Too bad.
I have dropped some "friends" who just didn't get it and I feel more dropped friends coming.
Maybe that's not the best thing for me to do but I just don't care.
Everyone has suggestions like joining a club or volunteering. But that doesn't interest me. I barely have enough energy to get the things done that need to be done. I don't need the pressure of adding more. I have barely enough caring and energy for me and the kids and my work. I just don't have enough left over for anyone or anything else.
I'm sorry if this grieving thing is not moving fast enough for some people but you know what - I JUST DON'T CARE.