Tuesday, July 12, 2011

New grief guidelines

I'm currently reading a book about after death communications and I realize that is a topic that some might disregard as fantasy.  But that's not the point of this post. The author Allan Botkin, Psy D is a psychologist, well respected, who treats those suffering from PTSD and grief. In this book Induced After Death Communication he references the work of Dennis Klass, Phyllis Silverman and Steven Nickman who published a book called Continuing Bonds: New Understandings of Grief. This book challenged the mainstream thinking about grief which was prevalent up until 1996 [the publication date of their book] and persists to this day - namely that the goal of grief therapy is to help survivors accept their loss and get on with their lives, to "move on".
Now these brave authors are saying that treatment was wrong, that maintaining a bond with the deceased loved one helps people better adjust to the loss. It's what I have been feeling all along and I feel so much better after reading this.
Examples of continuing bonds would be dreaming about the person who has passed, talking to him/her, believing that the deceased is watching over the survivor, keeping items of the loved one [contrary to those who say we should be giving their things away], and frequently thinking about the person. Some even report after death communication and this is not discouraged.
I find this comforting and it reinforces my belief that I am going to continue to do this my way and do whatever feels right to me.

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