Tuesday, July 5, 2011

A new type of support group

A friend of mine whom I only know through the Internet and our sharing of our grief just posted a blog entry that touched me to my core. Apparently, someone she knows [I hesitate to call her a friend for a true friend would not have said what she said] told her that she had been grieving long enough, that it was time to "drop the grief banner" and get on with her life.
I am almost speechless to know that there are people in the world who are that callous and cold.
How can anyone think that they have the key to grieving and its appropriate time frame? Especially for another.
How dare this person assume they know what is the limit of anyone's grieving.
On some level, the worst part of grief comes not at the time of loss but at the time that the realization hits the heart - the person we love is gone from us, at least in this world, and we will not see them again in body ever again.
I am just beginning to be at that point now. How does one come to terms with that? I don't know. On some level, I know my heart felt that this was a temporary thing - that I would go through the motions of whatever it was I was supposed to go through and then miraculously John would come home, walk through the door as he always did with that wonderful smile I love and all would go back to being as it should be.
But that's not going to happen and the thought of that sends me to my knees.
But it's time to "drop the grief banner"? How dare she! Is my friend's grief too inconvenient for her? This person has obviously never lost someone dear to her. Or maybe she is incapable of even feeling those kinds of feelings. People like her make me very angry.
I [and my friend] are exactly where we need to be in our grief right now. There is no right or wrong. Grief just is. Who is anyone to say what is the correct time frame. If it takes us the rest of our lives to carry the grief banner, so be it.
Maybe there should be a support group for people who know people who are grieving. So they can learn how to not be so insensitive.

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