I have felt a subtle shift in my perspective. Gradually I have been thinking more about future plans, accepting that I am going to be here for a while without John.
I know that accepting this doesn't mean that I am betraying John or that I am okay with his being gone from me physically. I know that and I know John knows that. I also know that he wants me to be the wife he knows and loves, the woman he admired. So, I am going to be that person again. John always told me how proud he was of my accomplishments, how he thought I was able to do so much. It wouldn't be right to let him [or myself] down now.
In a way, this makes me feel good. It gives me a purpose. To be the best I can be, for myself, for John.