Sunday, December 23, 2018

Living through the humbugs

It's been a while since I have posted on my blogs. I admit I have had a bad case of the holiday doldrums.
For those of us who are mourning the loss of a loved one - no matter how long ago the loss occurred - this time of year is especially hard.
No matter how much of a smile we put on our face and how much we immerse ourselves in the holiday cheer and activities, there is always a little part of us that is aware that someone is not here and they are not enjoying this season with us - or we with them.
I guess that's really the harder part. I like to think that they are able to be with us in some capacity and are still happy to be around us. It's we on this side of the veil who really feel their absence.
Yes, we get signs and we are very thankful for them.
But let's be honest - and I am by no means being ungrateful - a sign is not the same as hearing their laughter or feeling that hug or kiss.
So, it's hard.
And this year, for whatever reason, feels harder than the last few.
Maybe it's because this year in general has been difficult for me.
I have been dealing with a tough health challenge since January 3rd. First one thing, and then another.
I'm still going forward but there have been days when just being able to reach out and get one of John's hugs would have made everything else so much more bearable.
And then to top it off, I have a house challenge now as well. John was always the one who fixed everything. I never had to worry if something went wrong, or broke, or just refused to work.
Now - I need "a guy" for everything. And how do you know you have the right "guy"?
My sweetheart is doing his best to guide me because I truly believe he is still looking out for me and sending the right people to me at the right time.
But I still worry.
So, yes, I have the bah humbugs and maybe you do, too.
I'm not going to sit here and say I know a cure.
I don't.
But if this applies to you too, I can tell you that you are not alone.
And maybe that's all we can do right now. Just be there for each other.
And if you know someone who is struggling this time of year, reach out to them. No, they can't get a hug from their sweetheart.
But they can get one from you.
Or a phone call.
Or a recommendation for a guy to fix what's broken.
That's it. That's all I've got right now.

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