For years the name of this blog was "Finding My Way".
And it truly was about that. John's death put me in a place I was totally unprepared for and a place I never wanted to be.
Finding my way around that new place was hard and sad and difficult and I resisted it for a very long time.
Now, I can't say that I am happy to be where I am. I would give up absolutely everything and live in a refrigerator box under a bridge if it meant I could be physically back with John again (not sure how he would feel about that :) ).
But I am in a better spot than I was before.
And I can truly say that John and I have forged our way to a new place where there is still love and relationship. And, yes, communication.
No, it's not the same thing as it was before. It can't be.
But at least I am not screaming to the heavens and pounding the walls and scaring the animals.
My book is about our life together - what it was here on Earth and what it is now that John has gone on ahead of me.
I have found my way, so to speak.
Now, I blog about what life is like for me in my every day new life.
I know John is still with me. I know we still love each other and are still lovers. We are still married.
So, it is fitting to rename the blog after the book and after our new way of life.
John IS still with me.
He has never left me.
He will never leave me.
I know that as sure as I breathe.
And I know his face will be the first one I see when I close my eyes to this world and open them up to the next.