Miss you, Mom

John's Mom passed away one year ago today.
Where did the time go?
I miss her and I am grateful for the time we had together and the gift of her love.

Happy Thanksgiving, Sweetheart

I am grateful.

Thankful for what was

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day and I miss John. We always loved celebrating this Holiday. John loved the turkey and all the trimmings.
And we enjoyed making the dinner together.
I miss him especially at this time of year as I am sure all people who have lost loved ones do.
But I am thankful for the time we had together. I carry his love with me always.

Thanksgiving 1979

3 1/2 years today

Today marks 3 1/2 years since John passed. Not an especially momentous anniversary but an anniversary nonetheless. Every month is an anniversary. Every Sunday night. Every Monday morning.
Every day without him.
I don't know why I continue to note the anniversaries. It's just something I can't help noting. It's not something I celebrate like we did with our other anniversaries. But, like everything else, John and I marked the events in our life together and so I mark this one. I wonder if he does too.
I miss you, Sweetheart. But I know you know that.

Once again I felt John watching over me

I was driving home yesterday afternoon. And playing songs from my iPad through my car stereo system. I had on one of my favorite Josh Groban albums and the song playing was "To Where You Are", the song I had sung at John's funeral Mass.

I was crying. That song always makes me cry. And of course I was thinking about John and missing him and also thinking about his funeral. It is safe to say I did not have my mind on my driving and my vision was a little blurred.  I also had a coffee in my right hand so I was only driving with my left hand on the wheel. But, in my defense, I was driving up my street and only going about 25 miles an hour. I was not in a hurry.
All of  a sudden, to my right, a car started backing out of its driveway. It was clear the driver did not see me. With split second timing, I saw the car veer into my space and at the same time, pulled my car to the left and around the oncoming car, not missing a beat.
It happened in a second and when it was over I knew I had not done that on my own. The maneuvering was so smooth and easy. I didn't even have to think about it. By the time what was happening registered, it was over and I was out of danger.
I know that was John helping me. As the song says he is "watching over me". And I thanked him.

My new book

I have begun writing my new book in earnest. I know it's going to be hard since I want to incorporate my journey - losing John, living here without him physically with me, connecting with him in a different way.
But I want to do this and I think if I do it right, I can help others in the same situation as me.
The strange thing is that as I write about our life, even though it's in a fictional way, I feel closer to John. I feel him smiling and approving and helping me.

My soldier

 

Today is Veterans Day. 

This is my veteran, my soldier, my Love.