I miss John so much - and I miss me, too

I miss the me I used to be, the person who had passion for things, who got excited about things, who looked forward.
I don't like the me I am now. But I am stumped how I can change it. I am praying about it and asking John to help me, too. If I have to be here, it would be so great if I found my purpose since I truly believe that is why I am still here and not with John now.