Remember all the platitudes we were taught as children?
Eat your spinach so you'll grow big and strong.
Get good grades so you'll get into a good college.
Graduate with honors and you'll get a good job.
Do a good job and you'll get a promotion.
Be a nice person and you'll attract a nice mate.
Be holy and you'll go to Heaven.
What happens when you grieve well? What's the payoff then? Do all the right things and then what? John is still gone. He isn't coming back. No matter what I do I can't change that.
Grief is a big cheater. There is no prize at the end. Just more of the same.