I went to see my cardiologist today. I have known this gentleman for quite some time. He treated John and me for years. He also worked with John and admired him a great deal.
For that I am grateful.
But I am not grateful for feeling like I have to defend how I feel every time I see him.
He criticized me [in a medically concerned way] for still feeling sad.
As if there is some time limit on how I should feel.
Telling me I should not be wasting my life. That I should at some point be receptive to having another "companion".
He quoted a letter to me that Abraham Lincoln wrote to the daughter of a soldier killed in battle in which Lincoln told the little girl that she should not believe that she will never be happy again.
How does that compare with losing my soul mate? The love of my life?
The man with whom I planned on growing old with? The man I loved beyond all measure? Who loved me the same way? That I miss with every cell of my being every single day?
Are you f-ing kidding me?
I am so sick and tired of people who think they know it all.
Yes, I know he meant well and he is thinking of the quality of the rest of my life but how about starting with at least acknowledging that I am going through a tough time. That I have had to add other tough times on top of it [losing John's Mom, losing my girls]?
Then maybe we can talk.
Don't go right to telling me how I am wrong to still be sad.
All that does is tell me I can no longer be honest with you.
From now on I will paste a silly smile on my face and lie, lie, lie.
Yes, everything is fine. I'm feeling very good, thank you.
I'm even dating again.
Everything is just peachy. Couldn't be better.
All of them.