Today marks three years and two months - not a special anniversary by any means except it's another month that John is gone.
Sometimes I just sit and think about him not being here and I still can't believe it. How can someone just be gone? How can someone so full of life, whose smile lit up the room, whose laugh made my heart sing with pleasure, who made my world whole and made me feel so loved, so secure - just be gone?
Here one minute.
Gone the next.
It is something I struggle with every day.
And yet I can still think about John. I can still remember him. I can remember our life and know in my heart of hearts that he still loves me. That we will be together again.
And when I think about how I know he felt - no, he feels about me my heart swells with the knowledge that he is still here. He still cares. He still loves me.
Our love does not die.
So he may be gone three years and two months today but that means I am three years and two months closer to being with him again.