A little sign of love

I was feeling nostalgic last night and missing John a lot so I decided to watch some old home movies.

John and I had made a some films while he was remodeling our home here in AZ. The first thing we did when we moved in was rip out the wall to wall carpeting and John painstakingly tiled one room after the other. We put in saltillo tile which is very labor intensive. He was doing the floor in our dining room during our first Valentine's Day in this house. We decided that year instead of getting big gifts we would each make one homemade gesture of love.

John's contribution was to write a big heart in spray paint on the cement floor with our names inside. He knew it was going to be covered up by the tile but we would know it was there.

I always regretted not taking a photo of it. I don't know why I didn't.

And then last night, there it was in the video I was watching. It was like John was reaching out to me. I quickly snapped a photo of it off the TV screen.

Now I know exactly where it is and what it looks like and I won't have to rely on my memory. And when I stand there I will know I am standing inside this big beautiful heart of love.

Thank you, John. I love you.

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. And despite missing John so very much, I was determined to make the day filled with happy memories and a celebration of our love.

John always brought me flowers - sometimes expensive bouquets, sometimes just simple flowers that he bought at the grocery store. But he knew I loved his flower gifts. 

So, I thought I would keep his tradition going and buy myself flowers that he would have if he were here. Yesterday morning I went on my favorite flower delivery site and ordered a dozen long-stemmed pink roses to be delivered same day. The picture looked lovely with just the right amount of greenery. They arrived in a couple of hours and I was very happy with them - until I noticed the florist had filled the vase with eucalyptus among the greenery. This was not in the the picture I had seen online. At first, I thought it would be okay but within minutes of bringing the flowers inside, the house reeked of eucalyptus - not my favorite scent. It was all I could smell. My eyes started to feel irritated and I soon developed a headache. I threw all the eucalyptus stems out but while that helped somewhat, the vase of flowers now looked a little anemic. I was very disappointed.

And then I decided to do something about this. Years ago, I might have let this slide but something told me not to let this go. So, I went online and filed a complaint with the flower delivery company. They responded immediately and said they would replace the flowers sans eucalyptus. I was skeptical.

Much to my surprise within a couple of hours another vase of roses appeared behind my doorstep. This arrangement was even lovelier that the first one I had ordered. The roses were different. Instead of pink they were white with red tips. The greenery included babies breath which I love.

I was so happy. My faith in humanity had been restored and now I was rich with roses.

Maybe John just wanted me to have a little more roses this year. I know he knows how much I miss him. Maybe this was his way of stopping by and say "Hi. I love you. Happy anniversary."

Thank you, John. I love you too.♥ Happy anniversary, Sweetheart.

Miss you so much

14 years ago - the day our lives changed forever.

I miss you so much.

Our last day

My sweet Baby,

14 years ago today was our last day together.

I still remember that evening, walking across the street to our hotel and holding hands. It had been a lovely day. We were looking forward to going home and being with our babies. We loved our life and each other so much.

I was so happy.

I miss you so much.

I love you, John.

♥