But John even made up some to celebrate. One of them he called Bunkie Day - the day we moved in together to start a new life.
Today is an anniversary too but it's not a happy one and not one I relish acknowledging and certainly not one I care to "celebrate".
Today marks 9 years since John passed. 9 years ago today I woke up to find my world changed. John had died and nothing would be the same ever again.
My love, my best friend, the man who made the world right no matter what, was gone from this life and I had no idea how I could go on.
But I did.
I made it my business once the shock wore off to continue our relationship. I knew beyond a doubt that John still loved me as much as I loved him and that his death was a change, not an end.
We were/are still married and we are still connected.
I knew if there was a way to stay connected we would find it.
And we did.
Today, John shows me every day that he is still here with me. Sometimes the signs are huge. Sometimes, they're small. But I see them and I smile and say Thank you and it gives me peace.
Of course, I still miss what we had and I yearn for what was and for what can no longer be.
I'm not saying this new relationship is better. It is what it is.
But. it. is.
That's what's important. We are still together.
And I know this may not work for everyone. That's OK. It works for us and it's what we want.
I had no idea where I would be today 9 years ago. There are days I still can't believe this has happened to us. But the raw horrible soul-destroying grief has subsided and for that I am grateful. I can find peace in our life and I look forward to our reunion.
So, I guess today I do celebrate. I celebrate our new life and how grateful I am that we have it.
|May 2010 - NYC|