Saturday, November 30, 2013

Miss you, Mom

John's Mom passed away one year ago today.
Where did the time go?
I miss her and I am grateful for the time we had together and the gift of her love.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Thankful for what was

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day and I miss John. We always loved celebrating this Holiday. John loved the turkey and all the trimmings.
And we enjoyed making the dinner together.
I miss him especially at this time of year as I am sure all people who have lost loved ones do.
But I am thankful for the time we had together. I carry his love with me always.
Thanksgiving 1979

Sunday, November 24, 2013

3 1/2 years today

Today marks 3 1/2 years since John passed. Not an especially momentous anniversary but an anniversary nonetheless. Every month is an anniversary. Every Sunday night. Every Monday morning.
Every day without him.
I don't know why I continue to note the anniversaries. It's just something I can't help noting. It's not something I celebrate like we did with our other anniversaries. But, like everything else, John and I marked the events in our life together and so I mark this one. I wonder if he does too.
I miss you, Sweetheart. But I know you know that.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Once again I felt John watching over me

I was driving home yesterday afternoon. And playing songs from my iPad through my car stereo system. I had on one of my favorite Josh Groban albums and the song playing was "To Where You Are", the song I had sung at John's funeral Mass.
I was crying. That song always makes me cry. And of course I was thinking about John and missing him and also thinking about his funeral. It is safe to say I did not have my mind on my driving and my vision was a little blurred.  I also had a coffee in my right hand so I was only driving with my left hand on the wheel. But, in my defense, I was driving up my street and only going about 25 miles an hour. I was not in a hurry.
All of  a sudden, to my right, a car started backing out of its driveway. It was clear the driver did not see me. With split second timing, I saw the car veer into my space and at the same time, pulled my car to the left and around the oncoming car, not missing a beat.
It happened in a second and when it was over I knew I had not done that on my own. The maneuvering was so smooth and easy. I didn't even have to think about it. By the time what was happening registered, it was over and I was out of danger.
I know that was John helping me. As the song says he is "watching over me". And I thanked him.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

My new book

I have begun writing my new book in earnest. I know it's going to be hard since I want to incorporate my journey - losing John, living here without him physically with me, connecting with him in a different way.
But I want to do this and I think if I do it right, I can help others in the same situation as me.
The strange thing is that as I write about our life, even though it's in a fictional way, I feel closer to John. I feel him smiling and approving and helping me.

Monday, November 11, 2013

My soldier

Today is Veterans Day. 
This is my veteran, my soldier, my Love.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Thank you

Bella has been sick the past couple of days and I have been worried about her, of course. That also meant vet visits and unexpected cost.
But I am so grateful to John and his Mom for taking care of me and making it possible for me to be able to take care of our "kids" without worrying how I was going to pay for it.
Worrying stinks. Bella being better today is wonderful.
Knowing that John and his Mom have my back and are still here with me is priceless.
Thank you, John and Mom.