Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Sunday, December 31, 2023

A Christmas message

I gift myself Christmas presents from John every year.  I know he didn't buy them, of course. But I like to think he would have if he were here. But even though I tell myself that, it's still not the same thing as getting something really from him.

But this year was different.

I met a dear friend for lunch a couple of days ago. And we exchanged Christmas presents. Hers to me touched my heart.

It was a Willow Tree figurine. I love them and have many. But I didn't have this one.

It's called Messenger and the note from the company says "Bringing comfort and love from afar". My friend said she felt especially inspired to buy this for me. I KNOW that was John. He sent me a real present from him this year.

Thank you. Thank you for my dear dear friend. Thank you for John's love. 


Monday, December 25, 2023

Thursday, November 9, 2023

A message

I tend to ruminate a lot. Especially when I am driving. My mind goes non-stop between watching traffic and thinking through problems. I'm a worrier. It's my superpower.

Yesterday was no different. 

I was driving to a haircut appointment and also worrying about many things - some health issues, the upcoming house repairs, and so forth. 

Then, I noticed the car ahead of me and its license plate caught my eye.

I suppose it could have meant any number of things but I read it as Bunkie Love.

John always called me his Bunkie. He did that from the first day he moved in with me. And we always celebrated that day as one of our important anniversaries. He called it Bunkie Day.

I truly believe John was reaching out to me yesterday and telling me to stop worrying about things so much. He was also still calling me his Bunkie which I loved, and telling me that he still loved me. I love that too.

Thank you, John. Message received.


Wednesday, October 18, 2023

Our loved ones are always sending us messages - we have to listen

I haven't written here in some time but a couple of things happened recently that are noteworthy.

This past week I had 2 encounters that I think were sent by John.

Last weekend, there were guys staying at the VRBO next door. I was outside with Bella, in my bathrobe and trying to be inconspicuous. The guys [there were 3 of them] were on their deck watching the beautiful sunrise. Suddenly, one of them looked over and waved to me and yelled "Good morning, Babe!". A little inappropriate but funny. I waved back. Then I realized it was something John would have said to me. 

Then a few days later, I drove to the store in Scottsdale where I buy Bella's food. As I was getting out of the car a stranger, a guy, passed my car and said something to me I didn’t quite hear. I normally don’t interact with strangers, but I looked at him and he looked nice, with a big smile. Young. Good looking. Seemed harmless. So, I asked him what he had said. He told me I looked like “a strong, take-charge woman”. I thanked him. And then he just walked away. It was a strange thing for him to say but something I needed to hear. I had just come from the bank where I had arranged to move some money around to safeguard some investments. I was worried if I was doing the right thing.

Coincidentally, the CD I had purchased matures on John's birthday. 

I think I'm seeing a pattern here. Not all signs are huge. They're not all white feathers and heart-shaped stones. Sometimes, our loved ones inspire a person to say something to us that is just the thing we need to hear at just the right moment. 

So, I smiled a lot recently. I felt John with me. 

And I'm very very grateful.


Monday, August 28, 2023

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart!


42 years ago today was the happiest day ever!

I know you are celebrating with me even though you are no longer physically here. Death only changes location. Love never dies. 

I love you, John. 

Monday, August 21, 2023


We just have to be open to hearing the message.

Case in point:

I have been having trouble sleeping lately. Getting to sleep is easy. Staying asleep, not so much. Last Saturday morning I woke up around 2:30 AM and instead of going back to sleep, I worried about a household problem. I thought I had come up with a solution but then I worried that maybe THAT was not what I should be doing. And so I started doubting my decision. Then I looked over at the bedroom door leading to our deck and noticed that the patio string lights were on. That was very strange. I hardly ever use them and I also always check to make sure all the deck lights are off  before I go to bed. Even more strange - the ONLY way to turn the patio string lights on is with a remote control. That remote was sitting in a cup, on a table, ON THE DECK.

I literally had to get up, go out on the deck, fish out the remote and turn the lights off.

I truly think John was telling me he agreed with my solution and that I should stop worrying and second guessing myself. There can be no other explanation.

Thank you, Sweetheart.