Soul Potrait

I recently had a "soul portrait" done by Wendy Smith from Sedona. These portraits show your inner self, sometimes showing hints to past lives or guides and masters that may be around you.
I thought mine was very beautiful. The gift of healing came through as part of the reading that came with the portrait,  as well as a "loving being" who is with me guiding me. Wendy thought it might be John. I have no doubt. You can see him on the left side of the portrait.

46 months today

Not quite 4 years but almost.
How can this much time have passed already? It still feels like John just left.
I will never get used to him not being here physically with me.
I scanned some more pictures today. Sadly they are not the best quality because of the camera I used back then. I also realized while going through these photos that I did not take enough pictures of John. But how can you know how much pictures will mean some day? We took so many pictures of the furkids and so many of the scenery wherever we were vacationing but not enough of each other and never enough of us together.

Hawaii 2000 - getting ready to go up in a helicopter

Hawaii 2000

Our Casey

Sadly, I have had to say good-bye to another furbaby. This is the fourth baby I have lost since John passed; the fourth baby that made up our family while John was here physically with me.
We adopted Casey from the Arizona Humane Society in March 1995. She and Charlotte both came home to us that day. They were about 8 weeks old at the time.

I had wanted to name them Emily and Charlotte after the Bronte sisters but while Charlotte seemed suited to her name, Casey did not seem like an Emily to us. She was such a tomboy. So John named her Casey after a cat he had had when he was younger.

She was also very vocal and loved to talk to her toys. John nicknamed her "the school marm" because she would line her toys up in a row and then talk to them. It seemed like she was teaching.

Years later, when we adopted Riley, Casey became his surrogate Mom. He loved snuggling with her.

I think he is missing her today.

I know I am missing her a lot but I know she is home with John and some day we will all be together again.

Rest easy, sweet one. Mommy and Daddy love you.

Casey-girl

Our beloved Casey has gone over The Rainbow Bridge.
I know John is with her now and giving her lots of love.
I'll write more tomorrow.

Wedding Day

26 years ago today John and I had our Church wedding. We had married in 1981 with a JP officiating because we had eloped. A few years later we decided we wanted to have the church wedding we didn't before. It was a wonderful celebration. John also converted to Catholicism that day so he got several additional sacraments - Baptism, Confirmation and First Communion.
And the party afterwards was wonderful. John and I talked about that day all the time reminiscing about the love and the fun.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Sweetheart!

John and I had our first date on St. Patrick's Day 36 years ago. We always celebrated this day. It was probably our favorite because it meant the beginning of us.

Bunkie Day!

34 years ago today John moved in with me and we started the next chapter in our wonderful life together.
John named today Bunkie Day and we celebrated it every year.
Bunkie was even one of his nicknames for me and I cherished it.
We loved our life together and told each other so often.
We were very blessed to have the life we did and I am so grateful.
John made us lasagne that night to celebrate.
I love you, my Bunkie.

I love you, John

It doesn't take much to remind me of John

My neighbor across the street has been working on his truck for several days now. I have no idea what's wrong but it is in his driveway with its hood up and elevated on blocks. The radio is blaring in the garage and he has been been tinkering with the truck, trying to fix whatever is wrong. I have been watching him while he has toiled, dressed in his jeans and work shirt, hair messed, gray beard.
And thinking of John.
How many times have I seen John in the same predicament, especially in our early years when we didn't have much money and we depended on our cars so much. Truth be told, I know John enjoyed working on the cars and he also enjoyed the challenge of fixing whatever was wrong.
He would spend hours in our garage or in our driveway, working his magic. And he always solved the problem.
Later on, John had a business buying old car parts, refurbishing them and selling them on eBay. He had a little workshop in our garage and so often as I drove away on whatever errand I was off to, he would look up from his work, and smile and wave at me as I drove away.
I loved that.
Today I pulled out of my driveway and was off on an errand while my neighbor worked on his truck. He looked up as I drove past, smiled and waved.
I waved back.
And wished I were waving at John.

Another Hello

I awoke in the middle of the night a couple of nights ago and heard voices. When my head cleared I realized it was the TV in the living room.
A little apprehensive I got up and went to see what was going on.
Sure enough, the TV was on.
And I had turned it off hours earlier when I had gone to bed.
I thought maybe one of the cats had accidentally turned it on but Riley was where I had left him and the remote was in the exact same place where I had left it.
Then I looked at the cable box and saw the time was 3:33 AM.
In angel numbers 333 is supposed to be a very mystical number, indicating God, Jesus, the Ascended Masters. I see this number often.
So I just said a Hello to my angels and God and John and turned off the TV and went back to bed.
I feel John's energy a lot this week.
And it makes me smile.

Today is my birthday

And I am missing John a lot today. I know if he were here he would have made this day so special.
That is not to take away anything from how great this day was. I received lots of well wishes, and gifts and cards from family and friends.
But it is still hard not having John here and it makes my heart hurt.
I know that if John were here we would have gone out to dinner tonight. There would have been cards and gifts from him. And he probably would have brought me flowers. John knew how much I loved flowers. Especially roses. Except that I do not like red roses. I don't know why. I just prefer yellow roses or pink roses or peach-colored roses.
So this morning I told John I would love a sign from him so that I would know he was here with me today. I told him I would love it if somehow he could send me roses and it would be extra special if they were not red.
Then I met some friends for tea in Phoenix. I thought maybe my roses would arrive at tea. Maybe my friends would bring me flowers - last year a friend did just that. She brought me two dozen roses. She said she didn't know why. She just had the urge. :)
Or maybe the Ritz would have roses on the table.
But no. None of that happened. I was a little disappointed but I thought I had been asking a lot anyway and I should not be so greedy. The day was wonderful and I was happy to be with my friends.
So I came home.
Then I heard the mail being delivered. As soon as the mail truck pulled away I went out the front door to go to the mailbox. As I was closing the screen door I felt something under my hand. I looked down and on the doorknob was a notice from a local florist to go next door to pick up some flowers that had been delivered and left there for me. Off I went.
Imagine my surprise and utter joy when I saw these flowers waiting for me - and the roses are peach and a deep pink! They were sent to me by my cousin, engineered I am sure by my sweet sweet Love.
Thank you, John. I love you so much.