Here's my sign

There's a comedian who likes to point out the stupidity of some people and his punch line is "Here's your sign".
Well, since John has passed he has given me many signs but they are not for stupidity. They show me that he is still around and loving me.
Like yesterday.
I was out running errands in Scottsdale and decided on the way home to go to Costco to get some needed items.
And as I always do when I am driving, I was thinking about John. And feeling sad and missing him.
So I pulled into the parking lot and saw a spot I wanted. But a gentleman was loading his purchases into his car and his door was protruding into the space so I moved on.
And then I spied another spot I thought would be good. As I neared it I knew it was the spot meant for me and John was also saying Hello.
Parked next to the open parking spot was a truck and this was on its side.
Thank you, John. I love you.

So true

Searching for You

Lord, hear my heartfelt soul's lament,
I fear my tears will never be spent,
Aching, soul-deep despair and sorrow,
It’s so hard to care about tomorrow.

True agony of the soul,
What now will be my goal?
No longer will there be,
The plans and dreams I hoped to see.

I still look for you each day,
How could you have passed away?
I look for you in the house and yard,
Nothing I could imagine would be this hard.

Without the sense that you are here,
Only in a different sphere,
The pain would be much too deep,
For my soul to ever keep.

Stay always by my side,
A loving, helpful spirit guide,
And when my time here has passed,
Together we will be at last.

Copyright © C.A. Stevenson 2009

If only.....

Sometimes I see men who remind me of John and I squint my eyes and pretend it's him I'm looking at.

I'd Want It To Be You

I am missing John a lot today but even in sorrow I am feeling him close.
It seems he often sends songs to me with lyrics that touch my heart at just the right time.
This morning I was in the car taking Bella to day care and I cued up my iPhone's music so it would play through the car's stereo. I recently bought Barbra Streisand's newest album and the first song that played this morning was this one.
I really felt he was telling me he is still here for me.
Yes, John and I are best friends. We always will be.
Then I saw this on Facebook.

And I can't wait until both of us are home again - together.

The new Apple watch

The new watch by Apple was unveiled yesterday and while it has many features and seems quite cool, the thing that got me the most was the heartbeat feature. This phone will sense your heartbeat and send a signal to someone of your choice and they will be able to feel your heartbeat against their wrist. Maybe some people might think that's creepy but I found it endearing.
I thought it was romantic. What I wouldn't give to be able to feel John's heartbeat. We'll never be able to share that. And I felt sad.

Had some slides developed

I found an envelope of slides while I was going through old photographs and dropped them off at Walgreen's to be developed and put on a DVD. It was fun to see what was in there. Based on some of the photos I figured these were from Spring/Summer 1984. There was a picture of John in there. It's not very good because I wasn't very good at taking pictures back then so the focus is fuzzy.
But it's still John. I'll take it. This was 30 years ago, which would make John 41 years old.

What it means