"We are gathered here today to..."
It struck me the other day that these words usually start off two very important ceremonies in life - maybe the two
most important ones - weddings and funerals.
So much planning goes into the first one - guest lists, color themes, flowers, venue, clothes - and on and on.
But
the second one usually happens unexpectedly and in a rush. Often the
details are things we have seen others do. It's not usual that the major
participant - the deceased - gets any input into the proceedings.
It
happens. But in my experience it's not the norm. We hate to think about
these things. It's almost a superstition. If we talk about it, we will
cause it to happen. On those occasions when pre-planning takes place,
it makes it so much easier for the ones left behind.
I didn't have
that luxury. John died suddenly and without warning. We had not
discussed much about ceremony beyond cremation and closed casket. So I
did the best I could and I think the funeral I arranged was something
John would have liked.
But then it came time to decide what to do with his ashes. We had never discussed that. Ever.
So I decided not to decide beyond getting a very nice urn.
But someday we need to be placed somewhere.
I too will be cremated and I want our ashes to be together.
But where I have no clue.
So a few years ago I decided pre-planning [in my case anyway] was in order.
I
contacted a church a few towns over that had a columbarium [a room or
building with niches for funeral urns to be stored - a new word for me],
made an appointment to speak with a representative, and off I went.
It was an experience, to say the least. I don't know if it was typical but it was definitely different.
To
start with, I was given a list of available spaces to choose from, each
having a certain price allotted to them depending on location - higher
on the wall was more expensive than lower, glass front cost more than
closed, and so forth. I was having trouble maintaining my composure. I
was starting to hear John laugh.
Then I was offered a "tour" to see where the real estate was located. Okay.
Off
we went. The lobby of the columbarium building had piped in music and a
"visiting" room. John was now laughing out loud. My guide then
proceeded to show me where various people she thought I might know
[local well known families] were going to be laid to rest as well as the
space she and her friends had already purchased. It begged the question
why I would have to know this. Surely we were not going to all party
after lights out.
But I smiled and nodded my way through the walk-through.
Finally
we went back to her office and she presented me with a price sheet and
finance plan, expecting me to make a choice, implying if I waited too
long, the choice spots would be gone. I felt like I was in a time-share
presentation..
I excused myself to go to the ladies room. While in
there I could swear I heard John yelling "Get out!" in between absolute
belly laughs.
I went back in, told the nice lady I needed time to think and quickly left.
She called a week later and I let her go to voice mail.
John is still in his urn and I still have no pre-plans made.
Every time I decide it's time to try again, John just keeps laughing.
