I Will Never Leave You: March 2022

Monday, March 21, 2022

Now they want to label us and medicate our grief away

I reposted a link to an an article last night about a diagnostic category the new DSM (the psychiatric bible) is now pushing - "excessive grief". Psychiatrists have been floating a diagnosis of “complicated grief” around for a while, claiming anyone still mourning after six months had something wrong with them. But they did not have the sanction of the DSM and pharmaceutical companies and thus could not charge for it. Now they can. I’m not surprised by this but I’m deeply disappointed and frankly angry. Anyone who knows me knows I have been passionate since John's death to help those who are grieving and to make grief better understood. This new made up category is going to do a great disservice to many people by labeling and medicating a normal human part of life.

I’m not talking about deep depression or suicidal ideation or someone who becomes dysfunctional. That’s different and should be addressed and treated no matter the cause. And it has always been addressed. We don't need a new diagnosis to recognize and treat that kind of condition.

But to say anyone grieving after six months which was how they defined complicated grief before this new DSM is absurd. Calling someone excessively grieving based on some made up criteria is highly subjective and downright dangerous. The article quotes the term "not moving on" as part of the diagnosis. Again, something I have worked hard to get people to stop using. We don't "move on". To move on means we are putting our loved one in the past. Anyone who has lost someone they love knows we don't do that. We move forward. We are not denying the death. That death has become part of who we are now. It always will be. Death changes us. We recognize that. Instead, we who are smarter than this DSM know we move forward, bringing our loved one and our new relationship with our loved one with us - in whatever way that means for us. Everyone is different. Every grief is different. I can't emphasize that enough.

I remember doctors pushing pills on me the first year after John died. When I would see a doctor for anything they would always ask how I was doing in general and if I talked about losing John I would get tearful. Like clockwork, they would write a prescription for antidepressants and give me samples. I would go home and throw the prescription away and put the samples in a drawer. After a while I had quite the collection.

Grief is an emotion, a normal response to loss. And it varies in degree from person to person, from loss to loss. There are no hard and fast rules. To now make rules is absurd.

Grief is not a mental disorder. Shame on them. This frustrates me and I fear this will set things back so much. They and Big Pharma are trying to teach us that anything can be fixed with just a pill. Grief denied/medicated is grief prolonged and growth stunted. But grief diagnosed is an avenue for big money.

It’s been almost 12 years for me since John died and I still miss him. I will never feel whole again. Some days when a wave hits me, I cry. And that’s ok. There are some things I no longer do and that’s my choice and that’s ok too. No, I don’t wear black as the article references (how old was that writer - I don’t know anyone who wears mourning black, maybe that's a cultural thing, not a diagnosis) but I do still wear my wedding ring. I dare any of those doctors to tell me I am mentally ill. I have a few choice words for them if they try.

But this hurts my heart. How many people will they harm now?

Namaste.