Again once again - the Holidays

For the first time since John's passing I feel like decorating a bit more for Christmas.
Last year I decorated the front entryway and this year I did as well.
But I actually bought a [I hope] kitty-proof tree this year. We'll see.

If I hear "Move on" one more time...

Well, it's that time of year again - the Season of Nausea Giving. Otherwise, known as Hallmark Christmas movies.
I will admit, I watch a lot of them. Some of them are fun.
But there seems to be a theme this year of poor widows who are sad until they find true love again and then all is well.
Last night was no exception - Magic Stocking . This movie supposedly told the story of a young widow whose daughter finds a Christmas stocking that somehow grants all their wishes including true love for the young widow. And I realize life is different when you are widowed at a young age and have young children. That is not my beef. My beef was the woman's mother. Our heroine had only been widowed 3 years. It was Christmas time. She was sad. She was missing her husband. And her mother had the nerve to criticize her and tell her it was time to "move on".
Really? Who was she to judge? Three years is nothing in widow time. Three years is barely when you feel your feet under you again and realize you have the strength to get things done and life might still be worth living.
Mind you, this widow was not languishing at home living on cottage cheese and surrounded by wet tissues. She was working, running a home, and taking care of her daughter.
What was there that needed "moving on"?
Ah, she wasn't dating and getting remarried. The panacea to all troubles.
I know - I sound angry.
I am.
Our societal mindset - especially in Hallmark land - is you are not complete unless coupled.
So, I guess I am incomplete.
So be it.
In my incompleteness I will continue to take care of myself and those I love.
I will continue to take care of this house.
I will care for our four-legged babies.
I will run my business.
I will write.
I will practice Reiki.
I will continue to work toward my dream of continuing my education [at 67!] of metaphysics and spirituality and even contemplate the idea of some sort of ministry.
I will continue my relationship with John because, despite what others think, we still have one. It's just different now.
And if that's incomplete - oh well.

Home

I keep finding pictures of houses that remind me of the house we had in Lehman PA. I wonder if John is trying to tell me something? I have felt for a while now that he has built a house like this for us over there. Maybe this is his way of telling me I am right?

I hope so. I would love to have a house like this with him. We were so happy in that house in Lehman.

Pictures of houses that seem to be finding me:

This is the house we had in PA:

Happy Thanksgiving, John

Was that John telling me Hello and Happy Thanksgiving this morning?

At around 6:30 AM today his alarm clock went off. It wasn’t a steady beep. It just kept going off and on. And the alarm light was blinking and the alarm button was in the On position. I don’t think it could have been the cats because the alarm button is small and has to be turned a certain way in order to set the alarm. And it couldn't have been the cleaning ladies. It’s been over a week since they have been here.

I think it was John. He loved Thanksgiving. And turkey.

Thank you, Sweetheart.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I love you.

From Grief To Peace

Two friends and I have started a Facebook community and blog page about grief and mourning as it relates to losing a soul mate.
I have learned so much and have been blessed to come so far since John has passed that I want to help others who are hurting.
I feel by doing that I can heal myself as well.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/fromgrieftopeace/
Blog:  http://fromgrieftopeace.blogspot.com/

What keeps me going

Precious photographs

I cherish all the pictures I have of John, and of us and the life we shared. Of course, I wish we had taken more now that they are all I have left. More photos, more video. Sometimes, I wish I could crawl inside the photos and videos and be there with him again.
I remember a friend telling me [after John had been gone only 8 months] that I had too many pictures of him around. Her husband in the meantime was alive and well and puttering in the garage at the time so I think she should have kept her mouth shut and I politely told her so.
This past week someone I know only casually said after death we should not "make a shrine" to our loved ones. Again, spoken by someone who truly has no idea what she is talking about.
I refuse to allow others to dictate how I choose to honor and cherish John's place in my life, then and now.