A year and a half

Today is a hard day. None of the grief books mentioned this anniversary. They talk about birthdays, and wedding anniversaries, one year, etc but no one mentioned a year and a half as being anything of significance.
But it is.
Today marks 78 weeks. 52 weeks [a year] plus 26 weeks [half a year] = 78 weeks.
Today.
A year and a half since John passed.
And it's hard.
I'm sad. And crying. And missing him so much.
Why is this day harder? I don't know. Maybe it means that the next anniversary will be two years and that means he's really not coming back. Maybe my heart is beginning to really and finally understand what this means.
All I know is that I ache for John to just walk in the door and smile and say "Well, that was different. Want to go to dinner?" And he would hold me and kiss me and laugh. And I would laugh. And cry but they would be tears of joy.
And all would be right with the world again.
Instead all I have are Joy's tears.