This has been a tough week

The Boston bombings, several friends losing loved ones, Toby being so ill. In the past, I would have turned to John. We would have turned to each other. We would have hugged. I would have felt I could handle anything with John at my side.
But now it's hard. I don't like leaning on myself. It's scary.
And I miss John so much.
Things are never going to be all right again.