Saturday, September 21, 2013

Dreams can be wonderful - waking up not so much

I fell asleep on the sofa this afternoon while reading and had a dream about John. In it, I needed to talk with him about something important. I remember feeling the urgency and asking him if we could talk. He said "Yes" and we should talk this evening. I remember feeling so relieved and looking forward to solving the problem.
And then I woke up and for a split second I felt so happy, so relieved and was actually looking forward to talking with him and solving the [dream] problem.
And then it hit me.
There was not going to be any talk and the problem wasn't the issue.
The problem was John isn't here.
John isn't here.
John isn't here.
The feeling of sadness and let down and pure utter loneliness when reality hit - I can't describe it.
I love dreaming about John. Even a crazy dream is time spent with him.
But oh how I miss him when I wake up.

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