Four and a half years

In the beginning I counted John's passing in hours. Then it was days, then weeks, then months and then, unbelievably, years.
Now it's years and half years.
Today is the 24th of the month and it's ironically a Monday, the same day of the week as when the world changed forever for me on May 24, 2010. It marks four and a half years.
I have to be honest and say my grief has changed. It's not the overwhelming raging raw grief that it was those first few hours, days, weeks, and months. But it is still there.
It will always be there. It will cease to exist when my physical life ceases and I am with John again and we continue our journey together.
I know I am still here for a reason and I will do my best to make the most of my time.
But I would be less than honest if I didn't say that nothing I do here will give me the same joy I felt when John and I were together and I know nothing will be right again until we are together again.
Until then, I accept the sadness.