Please - no platitudes

Vice-President Joe Biden's son passed away yesterday.
It's so sad to think about.
And people on Facebook and other places are all posting about it.
So it naturally has started a conversation about death and how it affects those left behind.
And that's good.
I hope it helps others who are mourning to know they are not alone.
But I also hope it helps others who are not mourning to learn how to help those who are.
Please, please learn the right things to say.
What I think I hated most [and still do] about my time immediately after John passed were those stupid things that people say to those who have lost a loved one to death. I know people mean well but in truth they are trying to make themselves feel better, not the one who is grieving.
Especially any statement that starts with "I know how you feel......"
No, you don't. You don't and can't know how I feel. You will never know how I feel.
Especially please don't have the audacity to compare it to something like "...because I lost my dog." Yes, some stupid woman had the nerve to say that to me just weeks after John passed.
Or even to compare it to someone else you lost.
Even if you too lost your husband.
I lost John. And his John-ness. No one can understand what that means.
Just like I can't understand what it means to you to have lost someone close to you, even if it is your husband. I didn't know your husband as you did. Only you know that and what his loss means to you.
What a person who is grieving needs is your caring.
You being there.
You can't make it better. Nothing you say or do will make it better. Right at that moment all a person wants is their loved one back, and you can't do that.
So don't say "It's God's will" or "He's in a better place."
Frankly, I wanted to hit anyone who said that.
Just say "I'm here."  "I know you are hurting. This is awful. Let me sit here with you."
Cry with them. Don't say "Don't cry." There is going to be a lot of crying and if that makes you uncomfortable, stay away.
Hold their hand. Offer to do some of the mundane things that need to be done.
Or simply just be.
But please, please lose the platitudes.
They don't help at all.
Or some day someone may get the strength to hit you.