Getting through this week

Well, the tree I bought was horrible so it's back in the box and waiting to be returned. I shopped at Target for another one and they were all out. I'll try at Walmart today but my hopes are not high. Maybe it's just not meant to be.
And that's OK. My heart really wasn't into it anyway.
Last week I was counseling a woman who is only [now] 7 weeks into her sadness from losing her soul mate. I couldn't help but notice myself at that stage in her. I remember those days. The hopelessness. The all-consuming sadness. The constant crying.
It's a wonder we survive at all.
So I can see that I am better than I was.
But I still miss John so much. It is still an ache inside. A constant longing.
I cherish the memories and photos. I love when I dream about John, even the silly ones that I know aren't visits. For a few seconds he is still there beside me.
But the longing never goes away.
I know we still have a relationship. It's just different now.
But, oh, how I wish for the old days.
And this time of constant exhortations to be merry and happy and celebrate with family makes it all the harder.