This pandemic has all of us on edge. I am no exception. In fact, I am probably the poster child for worry these days.
I have OCD tendencies. Add in my nursing knowledge and you can visualize how I have become a cleaning fool.
Last weekend was a perfect example. I finally gathered up my will power and ventured out to get gas for my car. The idea of interacting with the world was crippling. I have not been out of the house in months but I promised myself I would do this. I needed to do this.
It went well. But coming back home I worried what I had infected my car with. So I brought out the Lysol spray and wipes and cleaned, cleaned, cleaned my car. In so doing I noted a flashing light under the dashboard that I swore I had never seen before.
I checked my car manual. Wasn't there.
I googled and couldn't find an answer.
So, I ruminated.
After an hour of searching, I decided to bring the car into the driveway so I could get a better look [I had been cleaning the car in the garage].
As I drove the car into the driveway I had a sudden strong whiff of John's cologne. By this time, the Lysol smell had dissipated. There was no mistaking what I was now aware of. It was Obsession For Men, what John always wore.
I took this to not only be a sign from him that he was with me but that I should not be worrying.
Sure enough, another Google search got me my answer. The light was for the anti-theft device on the car and was telling me that it was working. Why I never saw it before I don't know.
The bigger takeaway for me was that I was not alone. and for that I am grateful.
The worry is still there. Some days it's worse than others.
But I am comforted knowing John is still with me, still watching over me, still aware of what is going on with me.
It's a lesson for all of us.