Today

Today marks one year since my Love has been gone. I kept hearing about what a  milestone it is and honestly, I was dreading it. I don't know what I was expecting. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I survived it. I guess that is something.
I wanted to honor John and what our life together means to me. I organized a small celebration of his life and had a Memorial with a few close friends. We attended a Mass this morning that was being said for him. I was OK until his name was mentioned in the intentions. It was very sad to hear that.
Then we went to breakfast altogether at the hotel that John and I loved. That was good.
After that we all came back to the house and prayed together and blessed and dedicated a Memorial Garden I had built in the backyard in John's honor.

None of this will bring John back and I still miss him with all my heart. I still can't believe this has happened. I still feel like I am just going through the motions. Or this is some horrible bad dream that I can't wake up from. 

I guess I thought that the one year mark would feel different. I think maybe it does to others. And that's OK. But John will always be uppermost in my thoughts and in my heart until I see him again. Nothing changes that.