85 Weeks

It’s very hard to think of the future. It just kind of yawns in front of me. I try to put things out there to look forward to but they all fall flat. John and I enjoyed even the simplest of things together but they were fun because we were doing it together. So many times we told each other “I love my life.” and we meant it. Our life was so good because we had each other. Now it’s just …life. Today marks 85 weeks for me. But it still feels like it just happened. The grief overwhelms me at times. It will never be OK that John is gone. And if I stop and think about the true reality of what John’s gone-ness means I feel as if I will break apart. The sadness is so deep.