Normal

Life is slowly getting back to normal. Day by day, my health is improving. But I am still traumatized by what happened and afraid to be alone. Yet, there is no choice.
And that is one more thing that losing John has left me with - fear.
When you live with someone day after day, you assume [wrongly] that you have forever together and all will be well.
Then the rug gets pulled out from under you and you realize how many ways you have to adjust.
Even something as being afraid to be alone because something might happen to you becomes a major worry. This same medical emergency happened to me several years ago but John was home then and he called 911. John's presence has always calmed me.
I know he was with me this time in the best way he could be and that helps.
Even today, I turned the radio on as I was out Christmas shopping and the song "I'll Be There" by The Four Tops was playing:

(Reach out) Come on girl reach out for me
Reach out, just look over your shoulder
I'll be there to give you all the love you need
And I'll be there you can always depend on me
I'll be there 

So I have to trust that I really am not alone and I am being cared for.

And we will be together again.