Time

It's Sunday again - my most un-favorite day of the week.
Sundays are lonely. Sundays make me miss John even more - as if that were even possible.
I go to Mass on Sunday, something John and I did together. The Our Father and the Sign of Peace that follows are very hard for me. I remember holding John's hand during that time and we would always turn to each other at the end of the prayer and hug and whisper "I love you, Baby" to each other.
Now, often, I cry as I remember. Even now, 6 years later.
Wasn't it Albert Einstein who said "Time is relative"?
The TV show Star Trek also played with the concept of time - often going back to the past with the stern directive that they could not interfere with the true progression of events.
But wouldn't that be so tempting a thought to those of us who mourn?
To be able to go back to a happier time and once again hold our loved one. Maybe stop something horrible from happening or prevent an illness.
How many times have I thought "if only.....?".
One of my John's favorite singers was Jim Croce and one of Jim Croce's most successful songs was "Time in a Bottle". In it, he wishes to relive all the happy times, one by one, over and over again until eternity. That would truly be Heaven.
But time can seem like the enemy for those of us who grieve the loss of our soul mate.
And it is indeed relative. I look back on my early years with John. From the moment I first met him until the day we married was just a little less than 5 years.
It seemed as if we crammed so much into that short space of time - meeting, becoming friends, falling in love, moving in together, marrying.
Yet, now, it has been just a little over 6 years since John has passed and there are days I feel it is all the same and at the end of the day, the only constant is John is still gone. The days and nights are still empty. There are no hugs and kisses, no plans, no milestones.
Those first 5 years flew by.
These last 6 years have crawled past.
One of my favorite recent movies is "Interstellar". During their trip into space, the astronauts spend time on a planet researching its habitability. Because of gravity issues too complicated to go into here, every hour spent on the surface of the planet equals 7 years to the astronaut left back on the ship. The astronauts on the planet's surface run into trouble and their return is delayed by over 3 hours. When they return to their ship, 23 years have passed and their colleague has visibly aged.
Sometimes I feel that way. John has been gone for 6 years and there are days it feels like forever. I wonder how it feels for him. Has it been only an hour in Heavenly terms? When we are reunited will it seem to him like he just left?
All I know is that every day that passes brings me closer to him again.