I am constantly being told that time will make this "better". That "in time" I will feel less sad, feel more in control, that this won't hurt so much.
You know what? It's a lie.
It's been over eight months now and the more time passes, the worse I feel, the more the reality sets in that this is not going to change, that John is irretrievably, forever, permanently gone.
And the reality of that is gut wrenching, overpowering, all consuming.
I hesitate to share this with people because the natural reaction is to try to make it better and nothing can make it better. So then people feel frustrated that they can't "do" something and the natural response then is to withdraw.
So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either I can hide how I feel and put on a front that is false and useless to me, essentially depriving myself of what I need the most which is comfort or I can say how I feel and risk losing the very people I need. Lose/lose.
It just seems to get worse and worse.
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