I have come to dread Sunday evenings. When I worked a Monday to Friday job, Sunday nights were sad because it meant the weekend was over and the work week was starting again. Then when I became self-employed and worked from home and John worked weekends, Sundays and Sunday evenings became just another day. Nothing special.
Now, I again dread Sunday evenings. Sundays seem to be especially lonesome - it's a family, stay at home day usually and I have no family here. Just me and the fur-kids.
And Sunday evenings remind me of losing John. Our last evening together was Sunday evening. That particular Sunday we were looking forward to Monday. Even though we had had a nice weekend visiting family in New York we were looking forward to going home and being with our babies. That was one of the last things we said to each other.
Then in a blink, John was gone. Monday came and I was alone.
So now Sundays will always remind me of that.
I watched some home videos today and it was nice to be able to hear John's voice, listen to his laugh. But it made me terribly sad too. I wonder if it always will.
I wonder if Sundays will always make me think of how he's no longer here. We had many happy Sundays. Maybe some day that will be what I remember.
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