Thursday, January 6, 2011

Trying to make something out of this

I've always been a planner. Always looked forward to the next challenge, the next event, the next fun thing to do with my Baby. Now, the days slide into each other and I feel so adrift. No anchor. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing has any meaning. This is foreign territory to me.
John always told me things happen just the way they are supposed to. It's hard for me to believe that right now. I struggle every day. But because I trust him, I am trying to learn.
So this new year I am trying to see if I can find some gift, some blessing I can hold on to.
I have been given the gift of friends and friendship.
I have been given the gift of learning to take things as they come and plan less.
I have been given the gift of not taking life and myself so seriously.
I have been given the gift of gratitude. Gratitude for the life we shared, the love we were blessed with. The gift of a mate so perfect that I felt almost perfect too. No, he was not a perfect person. None of us are. But he was perfect for me. I could not have become the person I am now had it not been for him.
I have been given the gift of fearlessness in the face of death. I welcome it now and that has freed me to see life in a different way.

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